I thought I would share a couple of little hurdles that I come across on a daily basis, things that are completely mundane but can have the power to completely stop you in your tracks.
1. Grocery shopping
I hate grocery shopping. I’m the sort of person who takes a basket even when I need to buy a weeks shop. The reason for this is it means I can use the self serve tills.
Have you ever tried to race a cashier who thinks they are competing in the f*cking Sainsburys games? I have. And I lost.
It sounds absolutely ridiculous but the embarrassment of being unable to keep up with a cashier fills me with dread.
What if she/he starts scanning before I finish unloading?
What if she/he decides to hastily start packing my bags and puts the eggs at the bottom?
What if she/he doesn’t start packing and the food starts to stack up against each other and fall off like a grocery slot machine?
Surely you see my point? I would far rather break my arm carrying a overfilled basket so I can calmly swipe and pack my shopping in an organised manner than put myself through that.
I used to be a fairly confident driver. I had no problem getting myself places as long as I had planned my route on google maps first. But now?
The driving struggle is real.
I have absolutely no idea why I now struggle to drive but I think it’s probably something to do with my ability to make up the most ridiculous scenarios in my head.
When passing another car on the dual carriage way they are certainly, definitely, 100% going to pull out on me.
When in traffic the traffic is never ever going to move and oh my god I need the toilet and I’m going to piss myself and this is the worst thing ever.
My car is going to break down. It’s definitely going to break down in this rush hour traffic. I can hear a rattling noise, I’m positive…
So every time I drive I get to my destination with the euphoric feeling that I have actually arrived and probably cheated death once again.
You can understand why, at the height of my anxiety, I just didn’t drive.
3. Going somewhere new
Don’t ever ask me to go somewhere I have never been if I am going alone. I’m just not going to do it.
A great example of this was the other day when I needed to go to the post office to return a rather large spontaneous ASOS order. I was passing a (really big, in my defence) post office and thought that I would just go and post my parcel there.
Absolutely no probs. Easy.
But then I couldn’t see the door. And there was a gate closed so I couldn’t drive in to the car park. But it was the middle of the day and I could see people walking in and out.
So did I ask someone for help?
I did a u turn and drove away.
The parcel is still sitting on the drivers seat and that was a week ago. Soon I will have £200 worth of badly fitting clothes from ASOS that I can no longer return all because I can’t go to new places.
Fun and games.
So the point of this lighthearted post is that everyone has little things they can’t quite do all the time, it’s just people with anxiety maybe have a few more.
I’m no longer embarrassed of these little hurdles because I know they are just that. Hurdles.
And these little hurdles can be a pretty big deal when you achieve them.