It’s okay to not be positive

Stay positive. Try to be positive.

Think of the good things. 

These are all variations of the advice I have received on the topic of dealing with my anxiety. Positivity is an extremely powerful feeling and I completely agree that a positive outlook can really help you get through the day to day dealings of life.

But not with anxiety.

On the days where I am crippled by anxiety telling me to be positive is like asking me to become the next Victoria Secrets Model. Not going to happen. Damn.

The thing is, I want to be positive, I know I need to be positive. There is nothing in my life which I should be down about. I am constantly asking myself:

‘What do I have to be down about?’ 

‘Why am I unable to feel positive?’ 

‘Why do I have to deal with this crippling anxiety?’

The reality is; at this point in time, where anxiety has a hold of my soul, I am completely and totally unable to feel any ounce of positivity. But that’s okay. 

I’m not depressed. I know that. But dealing with anxiety is really really hard. No wonder slight depression starts to make an appearance. When I am really really struggling I just can’t. I can’t do much, I just exist, I just try to get through the day. Being positive doesn’t even come into it. 

Someone telling me to be positive makes me want to punch them in the face.

Positivity is a good thing, it definitely is. But in the midst of anxiety don’t allow it to become another thing that you are failing at. The chances are, the people telling you to be positive definitely aren’t, at that precise second, going through what you are. So don’t take their crap advice, save it for a day when you might be feeling up for taking on the world, that moment when after maybe wallowing in your anxiety for 3 hours or 3 days you suddenly just feel a little bit of lightness in your chest. When you realise that maybe the anxious feelings are easing. 

And you start to feel normal. 

And maybe a little bit more positive.

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