I’ve been pretty good the last few weeks, part of this is because I have been so busy, another part is because my thinking has changed a lot and I’m being a lot more positive.
But it doesn’t stop the nagging feeling I still get.
I feel like I’m having a constant battle. Trying to stop negative thoughts from entering my head.
I suppose I’ve got myself into a way of thinking where if I remain positive and keep myself going the anxiety won’t come. It’s so difficult constantly trying to push anxious thoughts away and reason with myself.
This is why I haven’t even looked at this blog in over 2 weeks. I’m worried it’s going to bring back my anxiety, that talking about it might make it worse.
I know that my anxiety will always be a part of me, I feel I have accepted it. But it’s like the anxiety is always just floating under the surface, waiting to jump out an engulf me, smother me and put me in that dark place where I was.
Although I’ve accepted it’s a part of me it scares me. The thought it will come back again, full force I mean, not just the odd panic attack. The thought it will come back so hard that I go back to the bubble where I can barely get up in the morning.
In my head I am convincing myself that if I do allow myself to think anxious thoughts and feel anxious I will go straight back to the beginning and have to begin my battle again.
The rational part of my mind knows that this isn’t the case. I’ve made so much progress and I am nowhere near where I was. But that’s the problem with anxiety. The mind’s innate ability to take a thought and make it into so much more than it is. It’s a vicious circle.
So right now I am looking into ways to break that vicious circle. I have begun investigating mindfulness again. I hope that it will give me some clarity and the tools I need to continue this battle.
I know I just need to live in the now and stop worrying but have you ever told someone with anxiety to stop worrying?
I’m literally worrying about worrying.
It’s a battle everyday.